Wednesday, December 29, 2010

It's been 5 years since...

We said hello and good bye to our precious son, Brian. Some days it feels like it was yesterday... I can still remember the doctors bringing him in so I could see him before he passed away. He had a Santa hat on. It was so cute. He was so tiny. The tiniest baby I had ever seen. But also the most beautiful. I can hardly remember how things all played out. I was on some pretty heavy meds that made things hard to compute. I have always hated the fact that I wasn't with him when he passed away. But thankfully Brian and the priest who married us were with us. Mostly I hate that we had to suffer this loss. We had been trying for so long to get pregnant. IVF is not something that is easy to deal with. I can't tell you have happy and excited we were when we found out we were pregnant. We felt that God had rewarded us with twins. To have it all taken away was not fair. I am beyond thankful for the girls. They bring so much love and happiness into our lives. But we miss Brian and Lillian.

Happy birthday sweet boy. You will always be my first born. My only son. I miss you more than you will ever know. And I love you so very much!

This picture is from Christmas 2005. Right before everything happened.. It's probably hard to see my baby bump. But it's there.


Jessica said...

Oh I am so sorry that all of this has happened to you. It is so unfair. I'm sorry that this is the way that you have to celebrate your son's 5th birthday. Things should be much, much different.

Thinking of you and your family today. Lots of hugs to you.

Annie said...

Sending a big hug to you, Debbie.