It's been 5 years since...

We said hello and good bye to our precious son, Brian. Some days it feels like it was yesterday... I can still remember the doctors bringing him in so I could see him before he passed away. He had a Santa hat on. It was so cute. He was so tiny. The tiniest baby I had ever seen. But also the most beautiful. I can hardly remember how things all played out. I was on some pretty heavy meds that made things hard to compute. I have always hated the fact that I wasn't with him when he passed away. But thankfully Brian and the priest who married us were with us. Mostly I hate that we had to suffer this loss. We had been trying for so long to get pregnant. IVF is not something that is easy to deal with. I can't tell you have happy and excited we were when we found out we were pregnant. We felt that God had rewarded us with twins. To have it all taken away was not fair. I am beyond thankful for the girls. They bring so much love and happiness into our lives. But we miss Brian and Lillian.

Happy birthday sweet boy. You will always be my first born. My only son. I miss you more than you will ever know. And I love you so very much!

This picture is from Christmas 2005. Right before everything happened.. It's probably hard to see my baby bump. But it's there.

Christmas

We had the most amazing Christmas!! It all started on Christmas Eve. We always host Christmas Eve. We had a great time with family and friends! Auntie Holly made all the kids matching Christmas jammies. They looked so cute! She also gave Brian and I an awesome Christmas gift. She bought us Name A Star Animals. So we can name stars after Brian and Lillian. And put the animals in the girls room. Such a thoughtful gift!! She also made the girls new blankets which they love!! We all enjoyed a surprise visit from Santa too!! The kids were so excited to see him! We had such a great night. After everyone left it was time to get all the gifts under the tree. Every year I say I need to scale back... Needless to say this wasn't the year... Plus Gree bought them too much...

Christmas morning was so much fun!! I don't think the girls knew what to think when they saw the gifts. But once they "got it" we had fun. Gree spent the night so she was here to enjoy the tree too! This year we decided to stay home on Christmas day. It was the best decision. We started opening gifts around 7 and didn't finish till 3:15!! The girls wanted to play with their toys so we let them!! Auntie Pam came over in the morning and cooked us breakfast. It was so yummy! And my mom cooked us dinner. It was nice not having to cook for everyone :)

Maggie was really happy when she opened Bullseye!! And Charlotte as happy with Talking Jessie too!! They also loved their new Dollhouse. And I have to admit... I love it too! My mom bought them Woody and Jessie costumes. And she got them cowboy boots too!! Those were a huge hit!

The next day uncle Dave, aunt Cindy and cousin Ellie came over. We had so much fun! My SIL made me the most beautiful charm bracelet. I love it so much! Cousin Ellie made the girls bears from Build a Bear. One has a Cinderella dress and the other has Sleeping Beauty dress. So cute!! We ate a night dinner then everyone headed home before the big storm hit...

We had a great Christmas. There were a lot of people we missed this year... My grandfather, uncle Danny, uncle John, mom and dad Souza and mostly Brian and Lillian. I can't imagine what our lives would be like with 5 year twins too... And I can't believe it's been 5 years since we said hello and good bye to our sweet angels...

Potty Training

Last week we decided to start the potty training process. I had NO idea what I was in for... A friend had recommended . I think it would work if you had an adult for each child. But my hubby has to work. And we had something going on every weekend in the month of December. I read her book and used her technique as best I could.

The first 3 days were HELL!! I have never cleaned up so much pee in my life!! I was ready to give up. Actually at one point I put diapers back on them. But there was no way I was going to let this get the best of me. So I took the diapers off, reach out to some friends for tips and tried again.

By day 4 something clicked with Charlotte. She didn't have ANY accidents!! I couldn't believe it!! Maggie was still having accidents. But day 5 came and it clicked for her. We haven't looked back!! Pooping is still an issue. Charlotte is kind of getting it. Maggie not so much.

Night time is something we haven't tackled yet either. We started out putting them in undies for bed. They were having accidents left and right. Charlotte wasn't waking up when she peed. So they are in pull ups at night. Last night Maggie woke up around 1. She has a habit of sleeping with me... But last night I went and got her and out her in my bed. She told she had to pee on the potty. And she did!! I am thinking that's what woke her up!! We may be onto something there!!

This has been by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I thought waking up every 3 hours to feed them was hard... That has nothing on this!!

I can't believe we are 2 days away from Christmas!! Where did this year go?? The girls are super excited that Santa is coming! I don't think they have any idea what they are in for!! I went a little overboard this year and I know my mom did too!! Oh well!! Christmas is for kids right?

I don't have any new pictures to post :( But I am sure I will have some for Christmas ;)

Merry Christmas my blog friends!!

Christmas time is here!

I am really excited about Christmas. The girls seem to really "get" Santa and they know he's bringing presents. If you ask Maggie what Santa is bringing her she will tell you, "Bullseye". And if you ask Charlotte she will say, "talking Jessie". Let me tell you a story...

Maggie has been saying Santa was going to bring her Bullseye for quite some time now. I had seen him at Kmart but wanted to wait till Black Friday in case there was a deal. Well we went to Kmart on BF but NO Bullseye. So I checked Walmart. Nothing. Toys R Us. Nothing. Target. Nothing. NO ONE HAD BULLSEYE!! I started to panic a little. But I figured maybe we could get him on Amazon. Well we could of... FOR $100!! It makes me really mad that there are people out there that buy up these toys and then sell them for a lot of money! Well I went on Kmart's website to try and find him. I figured it would be worth having to drive and get him. We found one! At the store in Saugus MA. Which is right up the street from my aunt Pammy's house! And my mom just happen to be visiting Pammy!! So I called them up and they agreed to go get him for us! They had 1 left!! I am telling you... It's a Christmas miracle! I can't wait to see the look on Maggie's face when she opens him. Of coarse I had no problems finding a talking Jessie for Charlotte.

We put our tree up the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Brian found this really nice local tree farm so we packed everyone up and went out looking for the perfect tree. It was really cold that day... But the girls seemed to love it!! They had a horse there and they loved talking to him. Then Gree (my mom) came over and helped decorate it. Lots of fun.

My friend Heather came over the next weekend and took some pictures for me. She just bought a really nice camera so she agreed to take some Christmas pictures for me. They came out so good!!

This past weekend we got together with my dad and did the tree with them. Then my step siblings and their families came to my dads for a big gathering. We had a blast!! The kids had such a good time. And so did we!

Just one more post about Disney

Well this will be mostly pictures. Brian and I decided for Christmas we would buy the Dinsey Photopass CD. We had a lot of pictures taken while we were there and it would of cost us a small fortune if we ordered prints through Disney. We got the disk the other day. Here are some pictures from the disk...


The girls with Snow White

The Family in front of the Castle

The girls in front of the Castle

And again...

Me, Brian, the girls, auntie Theresa and auntie Linda

All of us again at the Osbourne Lights

Maggie and Theresa

Me and Theresa

The Family at the Animal Kingdom

The girls and Belle

Charlotte and Goofy

The girls and Donald

The girls with the Princess and the Frog

The girls and Minnie

The family and Pluto

The family with the Little Einsteins

The family with Buzz and Woody

The girls with Minnie and Mickey

Me, the girls, Chip and Dale

The family with Cinderella