Is anyone reading this?

If you are reading this post, please leave a comment!! I would love to hear from you!!

So last night Maggie almost made it!! She woke up early in the night (at like 8:30) and I told her, "mommy is not in bed yet". She laid back down and went back to sleep. Around 5:15 I heard her calling out to me. She managed to wake Charlotte up too... Not a good thing. So I brought both girls in bed with me (Brian slept downstairs) and told them to go back to sleep. It took a little while but Maggie fell back to sleep. Charlotte did not... I am praying they take a nap this afternoon. Cause mommy needs to nap too!!

Dear Maggie...

Dear Maggie,

I'm writing this letter to ask you if you could please sleep in your own bed? I can't remember the last time Papa and I got to sleep in our bed without you waking up and kicking Papa out of bed. I love snuggling with you but I need some sleep. Some uninterrupted sleep. So if you could work on that I would appreciate it!!

Love,

Mama


It's a good thing she is so cute...







On another note.. Gree and I took the girls to see Tangled today. It was so good. The best Disney movie (in my opinion) since Beauty and the Beast!! I would highly recommend seeing it!!

Friends...

I have been emailing with a friend this morning about supporting each other in the weight loss battle and it made me think... I have amazing friends.

I'm going to start with some oldies. Some of my oldest and dearest.

Nichole:
I have known Nichole for about 25 years. She moved into my neighborhood when we were in grade school. And we just clicked. We were always together. She was my "date" for my dads wedding. We shared a LOVE for New Kids on the Block. We worked together and had tons of fun together. She has seen me through a lot in my life. We may not see each other all the time or talk everyday but I know she is always there for me. I'm lucky to have her in my life.

Graduation day 1993


Michelle:
I have known Michelle for 21 years. She was in my sophomore algebra class. We kind of "knew" each other cause we took dance lessons from the same teacher. Michelle asked me if I would be interested in doing dance with her and the rest is history. We basically became inseparable. We worked together, we slept at each other's house every weekend, we lived together, I was her maid of honor, she was my maid of honor, I was in the delivery room when her daughter was born, she was a great support when we lost the babies and has provided me with some great parenting tips since I had the girls. We have gotten into some trouble together... And have has some monster fights (I wonder if the skid marks are still on the street in OOB?). But she has been a rock in my life. My BFF. My sister. We don't see each other as much as we want too but I know she is always there for me.
Us circa 1997

2000 at Michelle's baby shower

2007 at my baby shower

2010 at the girls 3rd bday


The Hannaford crew:
I don't even know where to start with this one. In the fall/winter of 2004 I started working at the Hannaford in Falmouth. Little did I know that I would make some great friends. They are, Heather, Sarah, Amanda and Gabby. These are some of the nicest people I know. We all really hit it off while working together. And I should mention... I was their boss. While working in Falmouth I went through an IVF cycle (which they were all so supportive during that time) and became pregnant with Brian and Lillian. They were all so happy for me. After everything happened I stopped working. I just couldn't go back there and face everyone. Not just my co-workers but the customers knew I was pregnant. I couldn't believe these girls stayed in contact with me. I should also mention that I am older then them. I think Heather is the oldest of the group and she is 30 and Amanda, the youngest, is about to turn 25. They were a great source of support, comfort and friendship. It's been 5 years since I left that store and I talk to all of them on a regular basses. They are a great group of women and I am so blessed to have them in my life!!

Heather, me, Sarah and Amanda at the girls baptism

All of us (plus Barbara SaoReang)

Heather and the girls


Margo, Emily, Jessica:
Margo was my boss at the Falmouth store who became a very good friend. She was so supportive when we lost the babies. She and my mom put together my baby shower for the girls!! We were pregnant together. He son Cabot is 2 months younger then the girls and is such cutie! Emily also worked at Hannaford. We have gotten together quite a few times and I really enjoy her company! She has a great sense of humor and a lot of fun to be around. I love talking about parenting with her because I think we share a lot of the same views. She and I were also pregnant at the same time. Well briefly. Her son, Lucas, is 3 months older then the girls. Jessica is a friend from high school that I lost touch with but we found each other on FB. We were really close when we were younger. And since reconnecting on FB have gotten together a few times (she lives about 1 1/2 hours from me). I am so glad we have reconnected!!

Beth and Carrie:
I "met" these two amazing women after I lost the twins. We met through a group called LAMBs. It's an online support group for women who have lost multiples. Beth lost her girls, Abby and Morgan, a week before I lost Brian and Lillian. Her due date was a week after mine. She was an amazing support to me during a very dark time in my life. It was really great being able to talk to someone who understood what I was feeling. We met up a couple times. We were actually pregnant at the same time again!! Her daughter, Sarah, was born on 9/17 and the girls were born on 9/30 so they are only 2 weeks apart. Shortly after Sarah was born, Beth and her family moved back to PA so we haven't seen each other in 4 years :( Carrie lost triplets shortly after we lost the twins. She joined LAMBs and we became friends. She also was a great support to me. And she was also pregnant the same time I was!! Her son, Nolan, was born on 11/20 so he's just a little younger then the girls. She lives in the Chicago area so we have never met. But she also shares a love for Disney so I am hoping to meet her down there sometime!

I have also met some other wonderful women through this blog. Some who have twins, so how have also lost multiples and some who also love Disney.

I am really lucky to have some many wonderful friends. I love you all!! Thank you for always being there for me!!

xoxo

Feeling blue...

I hate this time of year. The holidays are over. The tree is gone. The decorations are down. The Christmas music isn't playing anymore. Our Disney vacation is a distant memory. And it's winter. I hate the winter. I don't mind the first snow but after that it can just go away! The thought of being in the house for the next 4 months depresses me. We will go out and play every once and a while but not like we did during the summer. I am going to look into swimming lessons for the girls. We plan on putting up a pool this summer so I would like them to take lessons.

The girls have discovered some new shows that they like. Dora and Diego. They like Diego a little more then Dora. I think it's because he interacts with animals. They also love the movie Annie. They walk around singing the songs. And reenacting some of the scenes of the movie. One of them will be Miss Hannigan and the other plays an orphan. It's really cute!

I have started my New Year's diet. Fingers crossed I stay with it this time. I was looking at some recent pictures of myself and I almost fell off my chair. I have put on a lot of weight. I am really disappointed in myself. But it's a new year and a new beginning. I don't want my kids to ever be embarrassed about me. And I want to be a role model for them. Yesterday they both exercised with me. It was pretty cute.

Here are some pictures of the girls playing in the snow :)

See ya later 2010!!

I have to say, I am pretty happy to say good bye to 2010. It wasn't the best of years for our families. Brian's uncle John passed away unexpectedly in April, my uncle Danny passed away unexpectedly in May and my grandfather passed away in September. My father was diagnosed with kidney cancer and luckily is cancer free now.

I can't believe how much the girls have grown! They aren't my sweet little babies anymore... Their vocabulary exploded!! It's so much fun having conversations with them. The things that come out of their mouths crack me up! They are pretty much day potty trained. Which I have to say is great! I was so sick of changing diapers... Maggie keeps telling me she wants to go to school. I am going to start researching preschools in our area. It's scary to think they are ready for school!!

I still can't believe the girls are 3!! We really enjoyed their birthday party. It was great to see our family and friends! I think the girls really enjoyed having everyone here at their house. The were running around outside showing all the kids the different spots they like to play in.

We had an amazing vacation!! The girls were so good while we drove! And they had a blast at Disney! They loved the rides, the characters, the pool and the whirlpool tun in our room. Only 293 days till we go back :)

This Christmas was one of the best I have ever had! We had a great celebration on Christmas eve with family and friends. Then had a fun day opening gifts with the girls and my mom Christmas day. The day after Christmas we got together with my brother David, my SIL Cindy and my niece Ellie. It was great getting together with them. New Year's was pretty mellow here. Me and the girls went to auntie Holly's house for a super sized play date. The girls had a great time and I enjoyed some adult conversation. That night Brian and I cooked a bunch of our favorite snack food and watched Psych all night. But we didn't make it till midnight...

Happy New Year to all my friends and family. I hope you all have an amazing 2011!

Five years ago today...

I gave birth to our daughter, Lillian, too soon @ 24 weeks. She was born at 12:39 a.m. and was the New Year's baby for the state of Maine. We prayed so hard that she would make it but sadly she lost her battle 40 hours after being born. That was the worst week/time of my life. We said good bye to my MIL, son and daughter all within a week of each other. I was so angry. I couldn't understand how this could happen? We had worked so hard to get pregnant. We had done 6 IUI's with no success and then moved onto IVF. Finally we got our BFP on our 3rd attempt. I thought we were done with infertility treatments. It just didn't seem fair... I felt like all my dreams were taken away. I didn't know how I was going to survive this. Brian was my rock. He took care of me. He let me cry when I needed to. Laugh when I needed to. And let me be angry if I needed to. My friends all supported me. My family was there for me. And I met to women, Beth and Carrie, who helped me more then they will ever know! They also had lost babies (Beth lost twins and Carrie lost triplets) so they understood how I was feeling. I am beyond thankful for everyone who helped me through that dark time in my life.

Happy Birthday sweet girl. My first born daughter. You have no idea how much you are missed and loved <3

I have Lilly's bear resting on my baby bump..

It's been 5 years since...

We said hello and good bye to our precious son, Brian. Some days it feels like it was yesterday... I can still remember the doctors bringing him in so I could see him before he passed away. He had a Santa hat on. It was so cute. He was so tiny. The tiniest baby I had ever seen. But also the most beautiful. I can hardly remember how things all played out. I was on some pretty heavy meds that made things hard to compute. I have always hated the fact that I wasn't with him when he passed away. But thankfully Brian and the priest who married us were with us. Mostly I hate that we had to suffer this loss. We had been trying for so long to get pregnant. IVF is not something that is easy to deal with. I can't tell you have happy and excited we were when we found out we were pregnant. We felt that God had rewarded us with twins. To have it all taken away was not fair. I am beyond thankful for the girls. They bring so much love and happiness into our lives. But we miss Brian and Lillian.

Happy birthday sweet boy. You will always be my first born. My only son. I miss you more than you will ever know. And I love you so very much!

This picture is from Christmas 2005. Right before everything happened.. It's probably hard to see my baby bump. But it's there.