Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

For so long Mother's Day was a day that I dreaded.  When we were struggling to have a family this day would come and I would want to pretend it didn't exist.  I would always do something for my mom and my mother in law but I really didn't like the day.

Then I got pregnant was so excited to celebrate this special day.  After we lost the babies Mother's Day was a day that I was dreading.  A day that celebrated being a mom.  The thing was, I was a mother.  But my babies weren't here with me.  And that was so unfair.  I was very angry.  I wanted to be recognized as a mother but then again I didn't.  Cause it was yet another reminder that I didn't have what I have always wanted.  To have children.

The following Mother's Day I was blessed to be pregnant.  It was such a bitter sweet day.  I was so happy to be pregnant but so sad that my babies, the ones who had made me a mother first, were not here with me.  It felt wrong. 

Now Mother's Day is filled with so much joy and sorrow.  I am so blessed to have my girls.  I love them so much.  But I miss my other daughter and son so much that it hurts.  My arms long to hold them.  My heart aches to see them one more time.

I'm also blessed to have such an amazing relationship with my mom.  She is one of my best friends.  She is always there for me whenever I need her.  And she is an amazing grandmother to the girls.  They adore her.  I don't know what I would do without her.

And then there is my mother in law.  She has been gone for 6 1/2 years now.  I was so lucky to have her as my mother in law.  She was awesome.  She had the biggest heart.  I'm so sad that she never met the girls.  I can only imagine how much fun they all would have had together.  I love you Sandy and miss you so much!



Happy Mothers day to all you moms out there.  And to those whose dreams of motherhood have yet to come true, many hugs and loves to you.  I have been there and I know how painful this day can be.